lifelike

by Nightjars

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Austin Rogers There is earnestness all over this album!! Thanks for a look into a rad brain Favorite track: water bear song.
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05:43
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00:20
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03:27
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about

10 voice memos – songs, half-songs, sketches, and other stuff – presented to you this lovely last month of the year.

tracks 1 and 8 are field recordings. track 6 was recorded in an elevator going from ground level to the third floor.

track 2 is still evolving and was recorded for Eli Winter. track 5 is dedicated to Ashley Santore.

tracks 3 and 9 are about things that really happened.

track 7 is about being in love, and it's dedicated to Jacob Kuppermann. track 4 is about being frustrated with yourself, and it has curse words in it.

track 10 is about the inadequacy of language.

all tracks recorded on Voice Memos.

the album art is a photograph of Isla Thaïse Wight, my great-great-aunt, and her friends. the photograph was taken more than 100 years ago.

if you choose to pay for this album (or any other music on this page) and would like your purchase to support a cause that you care about, include a note to me with the name of your organization of choice and i will donate 100% of the proceeds to that organization. any payments not designated for charity go toward my groceries, probably, so that's cool too.

thank you all, as always, for listening. hope you enjoy! ☆彡

credits

released December 7, 2016

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Nightjars California

good ol fashioned journalpunk

booking: musicbynightjars@gmail.com

*** if you choose to pay for music here and want your purchase to support a cause you care about, include a message to me with the name of your organization of choice and i will donate 100% of the proceeds! ***
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Track Name: los angeles, 8 april 2016, 6.03 am
APRIL 2016
Track Name: ?????????
JANUARY 2016
Track Name: sigh, sigh
MARCH 2015:

i'd rather do nothing than do one thing all wrong
oh, it hasn't been long enough – oh, it's been too long
my regret sets in the morning sky
i tell myself it's fine,
i've still got time
to make mistakes, to make mistakes, to make mistakes
until i break, until i break, until i break

feels like we're swimming, but our eyes are closed
we don't know where to go in these unfamiliar clothes
so we feel for each other in the dark
our bodies touch and send out sparks
but never our hearts
we keep those apart, keep those apart, keep those apart
oh don't let's start, oh don't let's start, oh don't let's start

sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing to me
sing (sigh! sigh)
sing me to sleep

oh, you take that watch off, but you still watch those hands
depends how tight i hold 'em, depends on where you think they'll land
i can see straight through your head;
i see this path; i know where we'll be led
but that's way ahead
that's what you said, that's what i said, it's what we said
that's way ahead, that's way ahead, that's way ahead

sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing to me
sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing me to sleep

oh, sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing to me
sigh (sigh! sigh!)
sing me to sleep

oh, i'm just half-grown, but i'm a kid no more
and now i'm moving on and i'm lying on the floor
then i ask how are you,
you say it's cool, just tired out from school
i worry, am i cruel?
oh, am i cruel? oh, am i cruel? oh, am i cruel?
tell me i'm cruel! tell me i'm cruel! tell me i'm cruel!

sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing to me
sing (sigh! sigh!)
sing me to sleep

take the path that haunts you less and hurts you least
and i watch as my regret keeps setting in the east
you can count the months while i'm still near
but i can't call you my dear
my darling, my dear
and it comes off clear, and it all comes clear, and it all comes clear
you can't stay here, i can't stay here, we can't stay here

we can't stay here

sing, sigh, sigh
sing to me
sing, sigh, sigh
sing to me
sigh, sigh
sing to me
sigh, sigh
sing to me
sigh, sigh, sigh
sigh, sigh, sigh
sigh
Track Name: 29 process take final 1
OCTOBER 2015:

i sit on my couch with a glass of cheap wine
i'm 29

i look my current self in the eyes
and i say you'll be fine
and i'm right

cuz i'm always right
when i'm 29

and i say
maybe people would feel like singing
if all of my songs weren't fucking depressing
and if i could really sing, maybe they'd want to hear me
i say
i know my life is going to shit
but it's nothing that twelve dozen months can't fix
i better find what i love and keep it near me

i'm ready for the part of my life with a big front door
god dammit, i don't wanna sleep alone anymore
i want a Doberman Pinscher and fake Post-Impressionist art

i want a steady job and a microwave
and i wanna be pretty and i wanna be brave
but instead i sit in my room and wait for it to start

and all my friends go out
and have a great time
orange juice and vodka on ice
and i say i'm fine
and it's only half a lie
i just wish it were a different time

my 12-year-old self just wants to be me
HA!
bitch doesn't know what's coming, does she?
i think it'd be nice to be almost 30

and there's something in me
lonely and angry
and hurting and it scares me, it's scared of me
and i know it'll leave me
but everyone believes me
when i say don't you worry for me
don't you worry for me

i'm ready for the part of my life with a big front door
god dammit, i don't wanna share a room anymore
.......[me forgetting the lyrics].......
i wanna live by the ocean where it's colder
but deep down i know when i'm 29
sitting on my couch with a glass of cheap wine
all i'll really want is to be a little older

then i'll be a singer
and you'll all come and watch me
i'll climb up on the amps and you won't stop me
and i won't feel small
it'll be like i never stopped growing at all
i never stopped growing at all

ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Track Name: water bear song
JANUARY 2015:

here's a song that i wrote for the water bears
they know how to survive anywhere
boiling or freezing or bone-dry, they don't care
we should all be as chill as the water bears

they're not the type to complain
they're even cool with kicking it in outer space
sometimes i can bend, but sometimes i break
i just wanna bounce back like a tardigrade
(that's their other name)

they can survive lots of radiation
they'll probably survive economic inflation
you'll have humans beat in all situations
when the Arctic and Everest are both a vacation

and you're not the type to complain
and you're even cool with kicking it in outer space
when you can only bend and you never break
you're probably gonna be fine if you're a tardigrade
yeah, you'll be OK

they survived all five mass extinctions
they deserve some kind of medal of distinction
sounds really cool, but then i get to thinking:
am i living too, or am i only shrinking?

i'm kinda the type who complains
i need company, but i want space
life throws thing after thing after thing in my face
here's what i think a water bear would say:
"hey,

keep it simple when you're feeling small
remember the mountains took time to get tall
sometimes you can swim, but you might have to crawl
those who say you don't matter don't matter at all."

here's a song that i wrote for the water bears
they can carry on pretty much anywhere
and carrying on's what you do when you care
so here's a shoutout for the water bears

oh, here's a song that i wrote for the water bears
you know how to survive anywhere
boiling or freezing or bone dry, you never care
someday i'll bounce back like a water bear
Track Name: elevator
OCTOBER 2016:

my pillow rests so far
from where you lay your head
we push our beds together
to make a bigger bed
Track Name: patagonia
OCTOBER 2015:

beekeeper, love, let's leave tomorrow
we'll pack our books and walk to Patagonia
we'll sleep in cracks of mountainsides
pull stars around us in shapes we don't recognize

i know it's hypothetical
but it seems a peaceful life
and i think it might be nice

in another life, you are a paleontologist
and i'm the bones you unearth
in another life i am a museum attendant, attentive,
and they dug you up from Colorado dirt

the color of the wall, the shape
of your 65-million-year-old bones
it still feels like coming home

i'm coming home

and i yield my own disbelief in love
and we sleep in a corner of the backseat
and i think this time i don't wanna give you a sad song
you deserve all of the light you give to me

so, beekeeper, love,
let's leave tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
we can go anywhere we want someday
let's go to Patagonia

i know it's hypothetical
but there's so much i haven't seen
come see it with me
Track Name: los angeles, 22 april 2016, 10.53 am
APRIL 2016
Track Name: parking lot christmas tree emporium
DECEMBER 2015:

i never liked christmas that much
but i like bringing home a tree
i've always loved the smell of pine,
the weight of the lights hanging over me

but i would be happy to never do it again
oh my god, it's like talking to the dead
instead of talking to you
as we wander through the parking lot
looking for the person we knew

no no no no no no
no no no no no no
no no no no no no
no no no no no no

these woods are lovely, dark, and deep
i never want to see another tree

these woods are lovely, dark, and deep
i never want to see another goddamn tree

no no no no no
no no no no no
no no no no no
no no no no no
Track Name: radio sketch 1
JANUARY 2016:

there's a
place that we can go
where the words don't follow

no more songs
about our bodies
on the radio

there's a space
that we outgrow
drinking after shows

loud songs and darkness on the road

keep it close
until we know
we're not waking up alone

keep it close
until we know
then, waking up alone